18 April 2012:
Today's lesson everyone performed their piece in front to the class and got feedback. Also those that did not manage to get their work seen by Ananda had the opportunity of showing it to her and getting feedback on what to improve and generally making sure that they were on the right track regrading their piece.
I worked on my script and inserted the lighting cues and sound/video cues and also made it a bit more detailed as to my movements.
I have chosen the Title and Description of my piece today after much consideration. I didn't want to give too much a way by doing into detail about what the piece was about but wanted to generalize it in a way that when people read the description they are able to see themselves in it and in a way gain a personal understanding of the piece.
Title: Rewind or Fast Forward to Happiness
Description:
Life is always so simple when you are young, you're brought up to believe in fairy-tales and the happy-ever after. To dream big and love whole heatedly. But what happens when everything you believed in becomes something of the past? How do you start again? You keep running trying to grab hold of some kind of happiness and looking in all the wrong places. When you fighting to survive but death keeps calling, beating at your weak foundation trying to let something stronger out. Do you allow it knowing that it could all end in tragedy or do you sacrifice yourself for the greater good? Was it always written in the cards? Maybe Fate and Destiny intervenes to lead you back on the right path. Is there even a thing could happiness?
I was going to include the tagline below but I didn't want the audience to read it and think it is something satanic or scary. The reason I chose that tagline was because through blood and pain I have learn't to depend on myself and sometimes also realize that it is not good to be silent and deal with things alone. However, sometimes you just can't turn to anyone else to understand what you going through.
Blood
and Pain had defined her: now through the darkness she will rise:
(BLACKOUT)
(SPOTLIGHT
CENTER STAGE)
(Begin
centre stage sitting down, as I say monologue I slowly rise till I am fully
standing)
I don’t remember exactly when I stopped being
happy. I’m always unhappy; I don’t think
I’ve had a genuine moment of happiness since I was 10 years old. Everything I once believed in changed,
leaving me with no identity and questioning my choices.
(SOME
KIND OF CHEERY LIGHTING ON THE LEFT SIDE OF THE STAGE AFTER I SAY ‘LEAVING ME WITH NO IDENTITY’)
(Knee slide on
the floor to left side of stage)
I grew up as a tomboy; mainly because the only
children my age growing up were my brother and my cousin. I used to have sleepovers at my aunt’s house,
and I always found myself in the middle.
(Lie down on floor) Bath time
I was in the middle, bed time, walking down the road, even sitting in the car I
was in the middle. Being the only girl
in our group, the boys were always told to take care of me but more than not I
just blended in, (crawling on floor as
though climbing tree) whatever the boys could do I could do just as
well. (Do movement as though hanging upside down) Climb trees and hang
upside down, easy. (Shooting movement) Shooting random junk into the neighbour’s yard
with our slingshots, yeah.
(Stretching) Waking
up at 7 in the morning, (Rise as though
climbing) sneak out of the house and climb over a 8 foot metal gate just to
go to the shops to buy a box of matches for our fire-crackers. How many times were we told that was
dangerous??? We were having too much fun
to care; the thing with hanging out with boys is you had to learn to be rough
and dangerous.
(On
the floor with head in cupped hands) Once during our many
sleepovers I woke to find my cousin and my brother popping gun pellets with
their teeth, my aunt didn’t find it very amusing to be woken up by the sound of
gun fire, (Ear pulling to corner) so
instead decided the best way to get some sleep with three kids in the house was
to make us sit in separate corners.
(Kneel Down)
Our
Father,
Who
art in heaven,
Hallowed
be thy name…
I used to go to confession twice a year, always
confessing the same two things: I always told lies and I never used to listen
to my parents.
Our
Father,
Who
art in heaven,
Hallowed
be thy name,
Thy
kingdom come,
Thy
will be done,
on
earth as it is in heaven…
(Stand up and
run to different place)
At 10 I steal my mom’s cigarettes and smoke it in
the bathroom. I panic because she can
smell the smoke. I try alcohol from my
dad’s cabinet; I hate the taste but keep drinking. My sister gets pregnant at 17 and drops out
of school; I can see the disappointment on my moms and dads face. She is married 2 days after her 18th
birthday. I make a pack with myself not
to turn out like my sister.
(Return to kneeling)
Our
Father,
Who
art in heaven,
Hallowed
be thy name,
Thy
kingdom come,
Thy
will be done,
on
earth as it is in heaven.
Give
us today our daily bread,
And
forgive us our trespasses,
As
we forgive those who trespass against us;
I keep waiting to see some kind of miracle that I heard
about in the mass readings.
Our
Father,
Who
art in heaven,
Hallowed
be thy name,
Thy
kingdom come,
Thy
will be done,
on
earth as it is in heaven.
Give
us today our daily bread,
And
forgive us our trespasses,
As
we forgive those who trespass against us;
And
lead us not into Temptation…
Temptation…Temptation… (Laugh) and that’s when I saw
him…and there it was ‘Hallelujah.’
(SOUND
OF ‘HALLELLUJAH’ WILL BE PLAYED OVERHEAD
- WHEN I SAY ‘…AND THERE IT WAS’ –
I WILL BE LOOKING UP AND MY HANDS WILL BE RAISED IN A PRAYER MOTION )
(Fishing
motion)
I was hooked but I should have known it was too good to be true. I should have known I would be stuck in a
three way relationship. Me loving him
and him loving her. He didn’t have to
say it but I could see it from the way he looked at her, it was same way I
looked at him. So instead it went from
me loving him and him loving her to me loving him and him loving him.
(LIGHTENING
CHANGE TO EERIE KIND ON RIGHT SIDE – AT THE END OF ‘SO INSTEAD IT WENT FROM ME
LOVING HIM AND HIM LOVING HER TO ME LOVING HIM AND HIM LOVING HIM)
(Run to right
side of stage making tearing movement)
I ran away to London to get away, I tear
up all his letters get rid of his phone number, and delete him email address. (Hit self)
I begin to hate myself for allowing him to get too close and I hate God
above all for leading me down this path just to snatch it all away. I’ve been searching since then for anything
to fill the void that I had in my life, everything I believed in was torn to
shreds.
(Pick up and start shuffling
cards, laying them in cross design on the floor)
I began experimenting with magic and the
supernatural. I discover I have a sixth sense
in which I can feel other spirits around me.
I would listen to music with my headphones in and I swear I could hear
someone call out to me. I got so scared
at how right it all feels.
(1st
Picture of ‘8 of cups’ on screen behind me – I will say ‘8 of cups’)
(Turn
over card and say name)
1.
(8
OF CUPS/THE FOOL)
I
become a godmother, how weird seeing as I don’t believe in God anymore. I begin going to church again but not as much
as I used to. As a godmother my duty is
to bring up my godson in the Catholic faith, so I play along.
(Run to next
card) I am getting tired of all the running, everywhere I went he was still
with me. He was my drug; I could feel
him in my veins. I built a wall around
myself so high that even I can’t climb over it.
(Turn
over next card and say name)
(2nd
Picture of ‘The Devil’ on screen behind me –I will say ‘The Devil’)
2.
(THE
DEVIL)
I
become depressed feeling as though I shouldn’t be here. I was never meant to be born; (Sit on floor and star at wrists) I would
to sit staring at my wrists, wondering what it would feel like if I just cut, I
could practically hear the blood droplets hitting the floor. That would be too obvious so instead I stuck
to tattoos and piercings as a way to relieve the pain. Nothing could be worse than what I was
feeling right now. At least this pain I could control, (Cutting motion) every cut of the flesh was like cutting away a
piece of the old me. Slicing away the
infected parts. Every prick of the
needle was like breathing new life into my soul, I was right every prick and
every cut was exhilarating.
(Turn over next card
and say name)
(3rd
Picture of ‘The Tower’ on screen behind me – I will say ‘The Tower)
3.
(THE
TOWER)
After
a while it stopped doing anything for me.
The first time I made myself sick was in the shower. (Jerking
movements) Id tried it before stuck two fingers down my throat, feeling it
tense as my stomach heaved. I try it
over and over again, as my eyes begin to water, finally I manage to throw up
and at first I am in shock but then I felt fucking amazing. It was like purging my soul.
(Run to next
card)
I take up psychology, and learn that I could be
crazy. I become more depressed, my life
is going nowhere. I tell my best friend
I didn’t think I can go on any longer. I
start thinking about suicide, I could cut my wrists and bleed to death but then
someone will find me and call for an ambulance.
I could take an overdose, but I don’t want that junk in my body.
(Turn card
over and say name)
(4th Picture of ‘Wheel of Fortune’
on screen behind me – I will say ‘Wheel of Fortune’)
4.
(WHEEL
OF FORTUNE)
I begin to think the world is going to end and I
cannot wait. It doesn’t so I give myself
a time limit to find myself again and keep running hoping to grab hold of my
life. I feel lost and alone. That’s when I hear her:
(Stand with hands behind me as though wings move slowly back)
Out of the darkness a voice called out to me:
'Smile my brightness cause I have a plan for you,
Your days of sorrow are numbered,
with me by your side we will take over this world.'
I'm you, the real you, the other part of the coin,
I'm the identity you've been waiting for;
Risen from the ashes, baptized in blood.
Strength of a million souls and venom of a thousand demons.'
The angel has fallen, struck down and broken.
(Turn
over card and say name)
(5th Picture of ‘The Hanged Man’ on
screen behind me – I will say ‘The Hanged Man’)
5.
(THE
HANGED MAN)
I
become a Goth, my family is not all that happy.
They don’t understand that I want to be left alone. I can’t tell them the way I feel so I grabbed
hold onto her with all my might. She is
everything I wish I could be. Strong,
confident and carefree, adventurous and daring, wild, impulsive and
dangerous.
(Move
back and turn over next card and say name)
(6th Picture of ‘Death’ on screen
behind me – I will say ‘Death)
6.
(DEATH)
(Jerking movements with
body)
I tried to become her but I also realised that I had
an anger inside me that was way too strong.
I scare myself at times at the thoughts that come into my head. I feel as though I am capable of physically
hurting someone and I can feel myself enjoying that thought and feeling. She is the evil part of
me that has been born through my pain. I
begin to think that this is my true path and that I am the one who is meant to
end the world. I can feel my two selves
fighting against each other, sooner or later one will win and the angel would
truly have fallen.
(BLACKOUT WHEN I AM
KNEELING ON THE FLOOR)
Card Layout on the floor:
4th Picture
2nd Picture 5th Picture 3rd Picture
1st Picture
6th Picture
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